29. May, 2012

Saying “see you later” is hard…

Saying “see you later” is hard…

I have tried my hardest to pretend that next month is not coming. Yet as time does, the days march on and no matter how hard I resist, June is still approaching.  And with each day that passes my heart aches just a little more. There is nothing I can do to stop the inevitable, June will come and with it three of my close friends will leave. I’m sure most people can relate to this at some point in their lives because things are constantly changing, though it doesn’t make it any easier on the heart. I am happy for my friends, really I am. I know without a doubt that they are going on to follow the path God has laid before them. But it doesn’t make the “see you laters” (I don’t believe in saying goodbye) or the lead up to those days any easier.

With less than a month to go, I figured it was time that I stopped pretending that May would go on forever and instead just be real about where my heart is at.

I’m not going to lie, the toughest person that I will have to say, “see you later” to is my dear friend Heidi. Even as I type this I can’t stop the tears.  In the time that I have been at camp Heidi has become one of my best friends. We have developed this amazing friendship, where we can be totally honest and real with each other, even if it is hard. I love that about our friendship, it’s not based on pretending that life is easy but rather we understand the reality that life has ups and downs. I will miss celebrating the exciting, happy, moments with her and crying on her shoulder during the crappy, tough moments. I will miss popping over to her house to embark on our walks where we discuss what is on our minds and the impact of God in our daily lives. It is a rare gift to have a friend like her in life, and many people will never get the chance to experience such a friendship. I am blessed beyond measure to have been allowed to live in such close community with my beautiful friend.  I have been spoiled in the fact that I can just pop over for a chat, coffee, sushi, trips to the store, random movies, games, dinners, ect. I will miss having my friend so close. There have not been many times in my life that I have developed such a deep, meaningful relationship with friends, mostly because I don’t often allow people to get that close. Heidi knows the ins and outs of who I am, I have never felt the need to pretend I was someone else. I could keep writing for days all that I will miss about my dear friend, but as I have been trying to remind myself, this is not the end it’s just a different season. I am used to going on to new, exciting adventures but to be honest I am not used to being the one who is left behind.

A typical shot of Heidi and I

Molly and Fiona are also leaving in June, which will be another sad “see ya later”. Though they have only been here for 6 months they have become solid, close friends. They are the ones who I can do random crazy things with, like G-night, green pancakes, folding flowers till 3:00 am, critiquing the judges fashion sense on Project Runway, wild games of Cluedo and much more. They are the friends that have brought out my real side and have allowed me the room to be me.  I will miss our late night talks about nothing in particular but that somehow hold a lot of importance in our minds. Or even just staying up till midnight to watch one more episode of Gilmore Girls. I will miss the easy laughter we share and the ease at which we get along. I have been moved by these girls in their passion and drive to live life and they have challenged me to step outside of my walls of safety.   It’s hard to imagine them back in England, as I struggled when they were gone for just a week.  There are people in your life that God places for a specific purpose; these two had a purpose in my life.  Molly reminds me to think deeply and passionately about life in general and to allow myself to get lost in the wonder of the moment.  Fiona reminds me to allow myself to not be so serious and to be confident in the person God has made me to be.  These girls, though here for only a short time have allowed me to journey deeper into who I am meant to be, with smiles on our faces the whole time.  I will miss my wonderful friends.

Katie, Molly and I at Parachute.

Fiona and I after kayaking down the river

I am thankful for my friends and the impact they have had and will continue to have on my life.  I trust that God knew this day would come and He knows how hard it will be and thus I trust He will take care of me when the day finally comes that I have to say my dreaded, “see ya laters.”  I also realize that life will continue on and the pain will slowly fade and we will get used to being separated by the distance of countries.  There are some friends that you just know distance will not be an issue.  I believe this is true with them.  So as the seasons change I prepare my heart for the new adventures Papa has for me.  With one hand I will wipe the tears away and with the other I will cling to God and rely on His strength.