Tag Archives: compassion
04. Feb, 2011

Ponderings through my tears…

Ponderings through my tears…

Just when I had thought I had no more tears to cry, a fresh round started. I sat on the floor and cried some more. “How long had I been sitting here”, I wondered to myself.  “How long has my hurts plagued me?”   As I sat there, I thought about all the people who had hurt me, who had wounded me, and I even thought about how I had hurt myself.   As I looked around I suddenly began to feel very alone, very unloved, and uncared for. “Papa, why have you let me go through this? Why have you abandoned me?” I asked meekly as a young child would her earthly daddy.

“My daughter, I have never left, and I am still here for you. I am standing right here, in this very room, watching you shed each of these tears that I keep capturing and holding in My hand.  Why don’t you trust Me.” I got up and looked around and realized that my Papa was indeed standing right beside me with outstretched arms. I ran to Him and cried even more on His shoulder as He gently fingered my hair. “My sweet daughter, what troubles you?” He asked taking my face in His strong hands, wiping the tears from my eyes.

“Papa I have messed up so bad, and I have hurt You!  Why do You still choose me?” I asked. “My heart has been broken. I’m no longer focusing on running the race that You have desired for me to run, but I chosen to look behind me to all the things I have done wrong.  I also see all the things people have done to me that I feel wronged by.  I feel so hurt, and not like I am worth anyone’s time.”

But as I looked into my Papa’s eyes, I realized something.  He wasn’t hurt, He wasn’t mad, in fact a smile played on His lips and His eyes twinkled as if He were laughing. “My sweet daughter, I chose you for a purpose. Don’t you see? Your hurt, well that is just part of My story that I am writing in you. Those people who you feel had hurt you were all part of My plan. Nothing that has happened in your life, has not been filtered first thru My fingers of love.  I am teaching you, and training you. But you have to trust me.”

“But Daddy, I am so unqualified and I have messed up so badly. No one will want to listen to me. Why use me? Why did you let those people hurt me? I feel so alone and so unloved.” I said pointing behind me as if pointing to my past.

“Honey, if you love Me, you will have to trust that Daddy knows what’s best for you. Nothing that happened was outside of My master plan for your life.”  Papa took me lovingly by the hand, walking me over to one of the walls that a beautiful tapestry was hanging from. He took it down from its hook and turned it over, showing me the back where it looked like a big mess of strings and knots. “You see My daughter, you see your life like this, a big mess of knots and tangled string. You think nothing good could ever be made from it, that you are too messed up and to knotted to be used. But I see you and your life like this”, Papa said as He turned it back over to the front. As I looked at the tapestry, it took my breath away to see the wonderful landscape of trees and a river with flowers of all kinds and butterflies flittering off into the sky. “I see your life as beautiful, and I chose to use you. But you have to trust that I know what’s best for your life. You have to trust Me. And when the time is right you must not be afraid to share My story that I have written in you and for you.” Taking my face in His hands again, He looked me in the eyes and said “I love you!! Trust Me to know what is best for you.”

I nodded my head knowing that He was right. “Give Me your hurts, your pain and your bitterness. Give them to Me so you can live in peace.” He said. I sighed and looked up at Him. I just wasn’t ready to let go of the hurt.  I guess it was because I was too afraid. Afraid to step out and trust Him, afraid to take on a new life that He was so freely wanting to give to me. “Come on My beautiful daughter. This is not the life I have designed for you, sitting in this dark room crying and hiding. Honestly, it is not what is best for you. Trust Me, trust that I know what really is best.”

“But Papa if I give you my hurt, then I have to give You my dreams, my insecurities, my ambitions and my expectations. What am I going to do if I give You all of that?”

“I will give you”, He said, “MY dreams, and MY ambitions. I will give you a new life and a fresh start.  All you have to do is release everything to Me, and trust Me to give you what I want to give you.”

I looked down at the ground, knowing it was going to be a tough and long, painful road I had to travel to release everything. But I decided then and there that it would be better then hiding out for the rest of my life. “Okay Daddy, I give you everything. Take it all because I don’t want to deal with it any more. Take from me and make me new. I choose to trust You.” I said. My Daddy grabbed me up in His arms and in great delight spun me around and around until I laughed. And I have to say, it was not the fake laugh I had laughed for so long, but I real bubbly kind of laugh, that came from deep inside me,  that made me truly joyful. He set me down and took my hand as we began walking away from that room, “Now my child, about your hurt….”

04. Jun, 2010

Do You See Me?

Do you see me? Do you really see me? Look past the hair, the blue eyes, the freckled face, the cloths. Look beyond what the outside portrays. Look into the dark abyss that my heart contains. Would you stay? Would you dare stay? Would you accept me? I mean truly accept me. Every part of me? Every hurt, every doubt, every fear. Would you love me no matter what you find? Or would you run away. Would you pretend you didn’t know me as we passed by in the mall. Am I too much, is my problem to big, to scary? To deep? OR would you pretend my problem isn’t there.

Do you see me? I mean really see me? Do you see the hurt in my eyes? The desperate, silent plea for love, acceptance, for help. Would you try to break through my walls? Would you love me enough to try? Or would you give up, label me as a hopeless case, a hopeless cause? Would you try to make me smile? Would you try to stop the tears? Would you try to make me laugh just to see the twinkle in my eyes? Do you care? Do you want to care about me? Would you accept my broken heart and shaky outreach of a hand? But do you see me? Would you choose me out of a crowd? Would you try to get to know me? Every part of me? Or would you turn your face and walk on by me?

07. Feb, 2009

Compassion

I have been talking to a friend of mine lately about compassion. Have you ever noticed that some people throw that word “compassion” around and really use it like a knife instead of it’s true meaning?

Somehow the word seems to have changed to use *against* people when you don’t think that they are doing something that you want them to do, or even think that they should be doing! I hear more and more how “your not being compassionate enough. You just don’t care!!”, instead of saying “wow, you have an amazing amount of compassion in you. Despite what is going on in your life, you still choose to be involved in the people’s lives around you!!”

Compassion: n.The deep awareness of the suffering of another, together with a desire to relieve it.

Compassionate: adj.Feeling or showing compassion; sympathetic.

–And because I am me, and need this–

Sympathetic: adj.1.Of, feeling, expressing, or resulting from sympathy: 2.In agreement; favorable; inclined.

Sympathizing: To feel or express sympathy or compassion for another. 2.To share or understand the feelings or ideas of another.

Hummm, this bears some thinking on a deeper level, don’t you think? Aren’t people really using it completely wrong? I see “adj” at the begining of those deffinations. That means action, doesn’t it? To not use it against someone, or accusing someone but *YOU* use it for *YOU* to act out to someone else.

I know that I am not a Bible scholor, but I am pretty sure that I have never seen Jesus welding this word to a follower as a weapon. I have seen Him acting out the word to the down trodden, to the beat up, to the sick and lonely, to the despairing, to the hopless and hurting.

Boys are created to be warriors in God’s image. Girls to show the beauty of God’s image. Neither were created to trample those who are “below” them,..what ever that means. I might be “below” you today. But you very well could be “below” me tomorrow.

Compassion means feeling each others pain, understanding why and where it came from, and choosing to walk (which may mean picking up out of the mud for some of us!) down the path of righteousness.

Righteousness, right living. Let’s choose righteousness instead of “knife weilding” and “face slapping” words and actions that wound the heart and soul further!!!